


Oh Helga Natt - What the fuck

by Gayboy99



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21787525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gayboy99/pseuds/Gayboy99
Summary: What we deserved tonight from WTFOCKRobbe is there for Sander when he needs him. They take it one minute at a time and there are many minutes ahead of them.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 1
Kudos: 192





	Oh Helga Natt - What the fuck

There must have been a point when the tears stopped and I was able to fall asleep because I was awakened by the sound of my phone ringing next to my head. I didn’t check the caller ID before I placed the phone up to my ear. 

“Hello?” 

“Robbe. Is he with you?” the voice asks talking a mile per minute. 

“Is who? What? Who is this?”

“Britt. Is Sander with you?”

“No, why would he be. He doesn’t give a shit about me,” I groan. A new wave of pain wrecking my chest. 

“He left the treatment center. We can’t find him. I think he is manic again. I think he is going to hurt himself.”

“Calm down Britt. Did he say anything? Where would he go?”

“I’ve already checked everywhere I know. Why do you think I’m calling you? Seriously Robbe!”

“Well did he say anything before he left? Talk to me, maybe there is something you missed.”

“He has only been saying one thing the past few days. That he wants to go back to the place where everything changed. He said that going there would help him figure things out, or something. Honestly, he wasn’t making any sense.” 

“What makes you think he is going to hurt himself?” I manage to ask. 

“He was basically catatonic all day, then around 19:30 he started crying and didn't stop. Then the nurses said that he wasn't there when they did their night rounds. He left his phone and a note saying ‘I’m sorry.’ What else am I supposed to think? Everyone is looking for him and no one has seen any sign of him.” 

“I’m going out too. I’ll let you know if I find him,” I declare hanging up. 

At first I don’t know where to start, all I know is that I need to do something. What changed his life so much? Well if it was me who caused his mania, maybe that was the change he was talking about. I know that I am not the best person to go and help him, I will probably make the whole thing worse, but I have to try. I think I know where he is. I hope he is there, I just want him to be safe. I don’t care anymore if he has feelings for me, all I want is for him to be safe. 

I bike down the streets faster than I ever have before, thank god the streets are empty because I definitely would have been hit by now if they werent. A small part of my mind doubts if I can find the place again, I was on the back of a scooter the last time I went there. I was also high and not paying much attention. It is an actual miracle that I am able to find it. 

I pull up and throw my bike to the side, not bothering to lock it up. The garage door is open about four feet off of the ground, just enough space to duck under and get into the station. I know he is here, he has to be. 

I duck under the door and hear my own voice echo Sander’s name back at me. I start running around the parked trucks looking for him by the dim light from my phone. The garbage truck we were spraying that night is no longer here, but I am able to find the space it was parked in. Just to the side of the empty parking space I see a figure hunched over. It is Sander, in his leather jacket, with his head down, his fingers pulling at his messy white hair. 

I run over to him, not knowing what to do. I place my hands on his shoulders trying to get him to look at me. Thank god he is safe. For what feels like minutes, the only sounds are his faint sobs. 

“Sander? Look at me,” I coax. He lifts his head only an inch. I move to rest my forehead against his. “You aren’t alone,” I whisper. 

Louder and deeper sobs drive through his whole body and he collapses against me. I wrap my arms around him and hold him as tight as I can. His arms find their way around my torso as well, I can feel his hands gripping my jacket tightly, but there is no strength in his arms. He begins to mumble something but I can’t quite hear him. 

“What?” I ask quietly moving my ear closer to his mouth, releasing our embrace ever so slightly.

“I can’t keep hurting you,” he manages a whisper. “I can’t keep doing this to you.”

“Doing what?”

“Dragging you on this roller coaster,” he sighs. “I don’t know what I feel. Everything is so jumbled in my mind. I don’t know if I can trust any of this.”

“Any of what?”

“My thoughts. My feelings. I don’t know what is real anymore. I can’t trust my mind. I can’t trust that I actually love you. What if it really just is my mania like Britt is telling me? What if I wake up tomorrow and realize that I fucked up your life and that you hate me for it.” 

“I could never hate you,” I say staring him straight in the eyes. His eyes are pink from crying so much. 

“You will. My feelings might change at any minute. I have no control.”

“Okay, well what do you feel in this minute. Do you love me?”

“Yes,” he answers infadicaly. 

“Okay, now I will check in again in the next minute. And the next. And the next, until you trust that what you are feeling is real.” 

“What if my answer changes?” 

“Then that is okay. I will be thankful for the time I got to be loved by you,” I manage to say. “All I want is the truth. From your lips, not from anyone else’s. One way or another, we will know won’t we?” 

“I couldn’t live with myself if that happens.”

“Don’t look that far ahead. Just look forward to the next minute. We will take them one at a time, together.”

“Okay, one at a time,” I can feel the tightness in his shoulders loosen a bit. 

“Okay,” I sigh. “Do you still love me?”

“Yes,” he says with a faint smile. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We make the slow walk back to my apartment, his arm around my shoulders and mine around his waist holding him up ever so slightly. I walk my bike alongside us, and the sun begins to rise. I texted Britt before we left the station. I told her that I found him and that he was safe. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t check my phone again, that I would give all of my attention to Sander and only do what he wanted. For too long everyone has been telling him what is best for him, telling him what he needs. I vow to listen to him, to trust him, to be there for him as best as I can. 

When we get to my room I help him take his shoes, jacket, and jeans off. He is moving slowly, every action looks as if it takes all the energy he has left. I move the corner of the blankets to the side inviting him to lay down. He does so thankfully, collapsing into the soft sheets. 

“Can you hold me?” he asks in the softest, quietest voice.

“Come here,” I respond, laying on my back with my arms wide open. He rests his head on my bare chest and wraps his arms around my stomach. I wrap my arms around his back and stroke the hair away from his eyes. “Tighter or looser?”

“Tighter,” he responds, sinking deeper into my arms. “You know what?”

“Hmm?”

“I still love you,” he says closing his eyes, falling asleep almost immediately.

“I love you too,” I say back, kissing his forehead.


End file.
